C.B.I Sanctum

Until your eyes are bloodshot and your eardrums have burst

I can feel it again.

How could I forget this?

When I stick my hand up, it is the banner, or a flag.

Those nights spent with my headphones in, or earbuds, but almost always my wired headphones, I don't like earbuds much. I would run or walk to work every day with the immensely hot sun, not caring because I would walk with my gaming headset on, listening to whatever music I could.

Sometimes you forget how it feels, when you can actually just sit down, settle in a spot, cradle yourself, think about how impossible your room is, and enjoy the reverb.

Suffice to say, I've got headphones on right now and music. Shoegaze is my favorite genre because I can just sit there and not feel anything, but also I can just, lay there and keep my eyes closed, for a while at least.

What can I see up there? The colors of the emotions they give off?

Something funny instead though, today at work, returning after my grand and wonderful Philadelphia trip, I got to work on this big all in one computer and wanted to say something funny I knew my coworkers would react to. I just quoted La Dispute to myself and said "have you guys ever slept in the sutures of the city's skin" and they laughed so hard, that was funny.

Anyways...

Shoegaze feels much more real when it's constantly flowing in your ears, when you don't want to sleep, and you can't understand why a weighted bed with plushies feels more comfortable than one without.

Song of the night:"There's Nothing Holding Me Down" - Ensslin

"Flashing lights of the Barely great things Overshadow my mind And I can see nothing I don't want to stuck In the same place And see the same faces Day by day"

A train went by my head, and dim lights grow eyes; peering outward, seeing life itself doing a double take.

I put my head back, to the headboard.

I didn't have a headboard for years, I got rid of my old bulky one.

This one is perfect however.

Metal, black, silky soft.

Eyes closed...a new Yakuza game was fully announced today, it looks so fun. "Stranger than Heaven" or, project century, taking place over multiple time periods in 1900s Japan, which is so cool. I love the setting too, and Death Stranding 2 had its gameplay reveal tonight, I should probably finish up the review I was writing on it...

That game really helped me battle existence without knowing anything. It was when I didn't really leave my house much for years, I used to be so shy and scared beyond words at a point, until I just chose to be better.

I need some new equipment though.

I should write a list.

All of this is super cheap with my discount, so I need it for my business. I've got two jobs coming up actually, I need those business cards ASAP, and DBA.

I'll do that.

I really want to get rid of lots of stuff though as I do it; more money and more fuel, fuel to get out of here.

Again, "here," isn't really Florida, just this house, this time. My brother didn't want to go home to his dad, so I was glad we could talk about that, me and him, because I know that feeling. Oh and, his dad I also didn't want to see at times, but even more so nowadays.

I need to get my room sorted first before the business stuff can really take off. I want new piercings soon too, don't know what, even if I have been wanting to do my ears for a while. I want someone to taste metal and a little blood (consensually) when they bite my ear , uhm, but I also just miss having earrings too. Hirability isn't too much of a problem, but I should really stay away from certain face piercings for a long while due to not being in the CSEC path yet. CSEC doesn't care how you look.

The music sounds nice, I feel like I'm in the ocean.

I can breath easy.

Tomorrow is another day,money keeps going up, good, I have plans, need big box just for everything to sell. I want to film soon too, need different tripod, if I got an actual ghillie suit it would cost expensive, but great for fun videos and airsoft if I ever did that??? I think the costume one is fine for now probably.

Hey why am I so tired? 1:22....

I'm sleepy 9w9

Goodnight...Take care of yourselves