Church Bells
(mentions of murder, violence, childhood memories, read at your own discretion, take care of yourselves!)
!Spoilers for!: Little Goody Two Shoes
Sometimes I mimic the sound of distant church bells, and sometimes, I swear I can almost hear them too.
There is, that realization.
That internal monologue.
School officially started today again, it's so exciting! (hehe!)
To make it more fun, I am imagining this semester as one biiig cruise ship! I've only got three classes till I graduate; math, incident response, and my cybersecurity internship.
Just for fun...the incident response one focues on the amenities of the cruise ship, so as I do that class, I improve the fun on it!!!
My math class focuses on the navigation, and improving speed...whereas the internship class focuses on data and improving the computers on the ship...and locating buried treasure..argh!
Anyways though, it's fun, it's exciting.
Everyone pardon me also for the random lesbians between text, i..I don't know how they got there!!!! My apologies!!!
Anyways...with this semester, I've got many other plans of course; ones which I am dutifully working towards.
I don't take anything lying down, I would rather do what I can to overcome, and overcome I will.
I hear church bells because I still flip through Sunday school and every church in my head. Without surprise, the different churches, many, as a kid, and the different guardians I was with, changed how it was observed drastically.
I think I have a song for this, from La Dispute.
I've been rummaging further through their discography lately, and I specifically paid close attention to the lyrics, word for word, for so many of their songs.
One in particular from their "Wildlife" album, (one of their most popular) hit really close to home for me. Something funny too....that album actually released on my birthday! just...14 years ago!! X3.
But, among the wonderful songs on that album that already touch my soul,[[[thank you]]] I paid a closer consideration to "St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues."
My favorite La Dispute song is "Safer in the Forest/Love Song for Poor Michigan," also from the same album, but St. Paul spoke to me in a very recent way.
My heads been dragging myself back to the hometowns I had again, and the constant moving. I recently had gone back to my childhood park..I took some photos, ones that made me consider my whole life. That park, it no longer was this..fun, wooden fortress.
I had already known this to be true.
The only photo I found before its remodel was 15 years ago. I think the remodel happened closer to 8-10 years ago, but I cannot confirm, I don't remember when I stopped going there, it just meant so much to me as a kid. Even if so much was so messy...so weird...so violent all around me, kids like me and others had our parks back then, sometimes.
The song I mentioned above speaks to me not only because it reminds me of church bells, but also multiple of its lyrics remind me of what happened to that park; the creaking wood, that fresh, old, wooden smell after the rain...the parades by the river.
It was the same town, not too far away at all, less than a mile probably, from where my grandma was murdered. I remember all of that, every detail. (God rest her soul)
Despite this, it was a wholly surreal experience. My heart still, entirely, yearns to go to all those places as a kid, someday. It's not like I don't have the strength to do it alone, I just want someone to go with me that knows what it's like.
My mind trailed back to what the park once was like though...in that different age/// "Until the voices, unceasing, slowly faded to black." Children, me included, laughed there, played in that park, all without knowing what our parents were doing...were they just watching their kids, were they meeting with someone for drugs? Or was it something else?
"Once held the faith of hundreds."
That park felt like that to me. That faith never left though; almost certainly the park which now stands in its wake, it remembers everyone that was there once.
And another lyric...
"Sometimes go slow when I drive by How a home of stone and a house so holy Grows so empty over time."
Not just that park, by the idea of what changed from where I grew up. Despite living mostly within a 50 mile radius minus when I lived,..? visited? Alabama for a summer as a kid.
Even if, even if something grows empty, the meaning was never lost, I can promise anyone that, even myself.
The end of the song, is what struck me even more though.
It felt so soft.
"And just the other day I swear I saw a man there Pulling weeds out of the concrete, sweeping up and patching cracks I saw him lift a rag to wash the years of filth from off those windows."
That final part, that hope,
"Anybody else who broke and lost hope."
There is always hope.
That park may not be the same, and they never really took care of the people who had the drug problems, as in, they never helped them much, but they were pushed away. I still hold hope for all of them though, I can never desecrate someone who fell in line with all of that shit, they need to live, and hope I will for them.
Again, church bells, the light that blinded me...those tall glass windows, "it was kind of like a church"
It was.
It looked so immaculate in the morning, and when the sun went down...the moonlight made it feel nice too.
It felt like a church, it stood quiet like a church too.
At least to me...it felt that way. It's absolutely quite silly though, my goodness!
My flowery speech is true though, "that place" not the park, but that store.
I wave my hand, and replicate the shades of glass.
I made up my mind about something too.
In my previous post I said I probably wouldn't go to that La Dispute concert but...for me, I can't pass up that opportunity! Tickets were dirt cheap!! >_<
It's gonna be a big deal for me, and I'm gonna have fun, I've got everything already sorted out, I'm really, really, excited. I'm gonna record lots of footage...maybe!
I usually am not too entirely fond of concerts, as they can be loud, but La Dispute is the loud I want; bleeding, not destructive.
Sooo...with that being said, "no one should ever have to walk through the fire alone" - You and I in Unison
Take care of yourselves everyone.
- Victoria