(12/2/2023) Word Salads/It will be known.
I am not sad due to any noteworthy or discernable reason, but I would like to catalogue some thoughts that prompt me to cry, or at least, this post will be part of some sort of grander structure. It may be a long one.
A warning, beforehand.
Lots of nonsensical wording probably, stuff that may make someone cry too, not sure how to warn for things I don't know about what I'll write just yet, but I suppose be wary, and if anyone does read this, you don't have to. Mainly....none of this will make much sense, it's like vague recollections of words; word scrambles with stitched together meaning so the sun can shine again.
/ Thought 1: A Blade of Grass /
When I look at the ground beneath me, I want to cry. I like its color, It can show you something that's so much bigger than you, than your whole world view, it showed you everything, blades of grass everywhere. I couldn't run my hands through it all, it would have been impossible. I love you. Many different people and many different patterns, it's happening all over again, and just like the grass, it stays, and it leaves, where did it go? Where did it go at all? Please be gentle with me, please, please. Please.
It's not very difficult. But it's impossible. I want that texture again...to feel it on my hands...please. The grass is different everywhere, everyday, I made my choice, and I will make it again and again, but each time I make the same choice, its like a stab wound missing my vitals, but still leaving me undone.
Little coils spiraling outward from mine skin, mine own flesh. There's eyes from every corner and yet none of them can stop my mouth from being shut tight with blood.
I love you.
/ Thought 2: Unknowing Recollection /
It's snowing. It is very beautiful out there. Somewhere...somebody drives, to an unknown destination, she's so cold, and she hurts so much, can someone hold her please? Can someone please hold her? It cannot be done by those hands, or anyone's hands, we can only wish as she gradually quickens her pace of whatever she's doing.
Tears turn to icicles when people give up their better judgment, are you satisfied dear?
Let's go home, let me get you something too warm for you to enjoy, but let me get it just for you,
repeat.
You're a series of wings in a land with no air.
Go back inside.
It's far too cold.
She never goes back.
/ Thought 3: Longing /
Where would you like to go? You can go anywhere, do anything, do you want to travel the world?
Do you want to die somewhere by yourself?, surrounded by people?, happy?, in a space in between?, or...I know what you want, or what is wanted now.
You can sense it right?
Hold me please, They all know I hate being held sometimes but please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please hold me, please.
Free oneself from your everything, get away.
Get away from me, please.
Please get away from me, please.
Promised.
I hate it when people touch me but please wipe my tears away, please. Please for once let me have this please.
It won't be much longer, I know what's coming, you and I have been through it all, again, and again.
Stand atop a hill with me, I wish I could have us vow to take on the world together, stand by my side and gaze upon my blistering skin, I'll show you my sacred flesh if you so wish to love it, but not my flesh, mine own mind, and my whole self.
You know this already.
The heat from a streetlight is more intense the closer you are, you know that.
I know you, and I know that.
"How serious can it be anyway? Not very..."
Challenge me and feel my flesh.
Goodbye.
========================================================================================================================================================== / Thought 4: Hands /
Clasped gently, don't let go yet.
This is all for the sake of moving forward.
I can't stay there forever, you can't either, look at how rotten it's all become, like I could just poke you and your skin would fall in, maybe it is mold, mold of the mind.
Go, go seek the gold you want, I'll be safe here, they'll be safe with me. It's only temporary.
This is all only temporary.
Why did we all pick water? What was so inviting about it?
I know what was.
Maybe it draws back to the beginning.
Something I pondered on, "It is of the beginning, that you will find your destined flesh."
The water.
The opening act!
But, put those pitiful notions behind yourself, you wretched, poor thing.
Snap. The sound of sinew crunching under the weight of my teeth.
Snap. The eventual breaking of bone.
Snap. My fingers beckon.
None of it every happened anyways.
/ end /
Now I'm done with whatever vague notions I got out there, but this silly girl feels meowuch better now.
The hour to act draws ever nearer, for now, work.
I love you all, and even if no one reads this, I love you too.
- 887